Pimpin' Rocks On Halloween

Special to The Pummelo by Ray Ray "The King" Butler, the most professional of the professional pimps in Oakland, CA.

I love Halloween, baby.

Don't get me wrong - I love every day, putting out my hoes to all them fat crackers who couldn't get a blow job from their wife if they have them a million bucks and a new Lexus. Them crackers pay good money you know - a cool fifty just to suck some dick. I just love Halloween more.

My profits triple on Halloween minimum, baby. Sometimes I make like 10 times what I usually make on an average night. That's right, bitches. 10 FUCKING TIMES AN AVERAGE NIGHT. The kiddies get to go door to door getting candy - after they go to bed, I bring them daddy crackers down to my door and they can have a little taste of my Candy. Then they can have a little taste of some Sugar. Then Patricia. Then Air Force Amy, if I can get her. She's a hard one to get though - it's not many hoes that'll take on 3 guys for 3 holes at the same time. But that's the secret, baby - give them crackers a little taste of the merchandise, let them decide, give them a 3 for 2 deal, but make sure you got some big ass dude in the back with a big ass gun - or even better, a big ass knife - to make sure them fat ass crackers pay.

There's good money in that, bitches. Real good fucking money.

Sometimes it's fun to put the hoes out on the street in masks and other strange shit. The vice po-po hate that shit - not being able to tell a girl from a guy from one of those she-male bitches that just scare the shit out of you but pay real good money here. You gots to be careful though - them po-po know my bitches by their titties or their balls and so the merchandise has gotta be covered. You ain't pimpin' if all your bitches are in the slammer.

That's pimpin' rule #1 right there, bitches. Gots to have you some fine merchandise or you just some low-down, piece of shit poser. And me? I've gots me some FINE merchandise.

Some people ask why I sit outside a religious internship center. Ain't no one need to get laid more then them men who call themselves religious. PFFT - please, bitches. Those motherfuckers ain't religious. They're just trying to get themselves some good girl panties to smell. So I give them what they want. Especially on Halloween.

So come down and see me tonight - I'll give you a real good deal. Just make sure you don't go over an hour or I'll have to fuck you up.