Playgrounds Built To Placate Recent Elder God Rampage

Japan is building several playgrounds in an attempt to
appease the rampage of the Elder Gods. 

TOKYO, JAPAN - For a country that has seen more than its fair share of disasters as of late, the government of Japan has decided to be proactive in preventing another disaster and has set aside the equivalent of $600 million to build playgrounds in an attempt to appease the Elder Gods.

As reported by The Pummelo, the Elder Gods are suspected of flooding, train derailments, neighborhood destruction, and a power plant explosion in the United States alone. "We saw what has been going on in the United States and want no part of the death and destruction that the Elder Gods bring," Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda told us through a translator. "We've had enough problems with earthquakes and Godzilla. We don't need Cthulu too."

Each playground costs approximately $250,000 to build, by Noda says the costs are worth it. "To have 2,400 designated areas in our country that will hopefully ease the anger of the Elder Gods s well worth the cost. We can deal with whatever sacrifices we must in order to save lives."

The first playground was officially opened this morning with five cheering children in attendance. "We might have had more kids show up if we hadn't held the opening ceremony at 3 am," admits Noda, "but we thought we would show Hillary Clinton what happens in Japan at 3 am in case she calls."

Several more children were expected to play on the equipment later today. It is unknown as of yet if these children will be consumed by the Elder Gods. Noda says he hopes not. "Children are our future," he said. "If our future is eaten, then we'll have to start cloning or building better robots, and neither option is very appealing to me."