Westboro Baptist Church Celebrates Divorce Of Gay Penguins

Zoo's forced seperation of couple is not social engineering.

TORONTO, BC – Margie Phelps announced via Twitter that her famous cult of so-called Christians known as the Westboro Baptist Church [WBC] has decided to call off their planned protest of the Toronto Zoo. That is because the zoo has decided to enforce a divorce between “Pedro” and “Buddy,” two gay penguins who were recently married, and will attempt to place them back on the course of what WBC considers is moral and normal - placing them with female.

“Huzzah to the right thinking and God-fearing Toronto Zoo.” Phelps tweeted. "It's an amazing feeling to know someone wanted to change!"

Phelps wasn't done, however. “Fags will avoid that zoo surely, but God hates fags so who cares,” she later tweeted. "Serves them right for trying to get married in the first place."

Buddy, 21, and Pedro, 10, lived in a zoo in Toledo, Ohio, before traveling to Canada to become part of the Toronto Zoo’s first African penguin exhibit. “The males will be put in with a specific female so they have the chance to get to know one another, and if they bond, that’s what we’re looking for,” Bill Rapley, the zoo’s executive director of conservation and wildlife.

The fact that some individuals are bothered by the two males in an amorous caring relation is not the reason for the separation said Rapley. “The penguins have 'top-notch genes,'" said Rapley. “We want them to breed with females to help populate the species, which is endangered, this isn’t a social statement.”

There is no indication yet as to what the two penguins feel about the divorce, though both penguins were seen with their respective attorneys discussing alimony. The WBC will now direct their next protest Charlie Daniels concert at Drury University in Missouri.

Winner of the 2011 Conspiracy Theorist of the Year Contest Named

Ben Bennings is the 2011 Conspiracy Theorist of the Year
Award winner. Photo: Paradigm/Flickr

DULUTH, MN - When he heard his name being called as the winner of the 2011 Conspiracy Theorist of the Year award, Ben Bennings couldn't believe his ears through his tin foil hat.

"I never thought that I would win that award - never, ever, ever, ever," he told us from a secret location in his mom's basement. "I knew my theories about space time gravitation matrixes in regards to governmental interactions with the non-working poor made me a long shot - I'm just pleased that my genius was recognized for what it was."

In addition to his gravitation matrix theory, Bennings was also noted as putting forth progressive theories in the realm of specified earthquake production, tainted hormones in bovine milk, the deepness of anal probing in relation to the average intelligence of an American, and governmental testing of fish disease vaccines on dogs.

Bennings tells us that it is important to know that the truth is always out there. "Never accept the status quo," advises Bennings. "If you got your news from the news, I guarantee you it is not 100% authentic. Always research, always question, always assume your government is trying to stick something through your ear hole."

To celebrate, Bennings is going to take the prize money and purchase the new Harry Potter movie and spend all day Sunday watching a Harry Potter marathon with his mom.

Occupy Syria Claims a Major Victory

Occupy Syria won an important victory as the Arab League
has voted to suspend the country over its brutality on
Wednesday if changes aren't made. Photo: Syriana2011

HAMA, SYRIA - As the Occupy Syria protests enter into their 8th month of operation, protestors are celebrating a key victory this morning as the Arab League has voted 18-3 to suspend Syria on Wednesday if it does not end its violent and deadly crackdown against the Occupy Syria supporters.

Syria, Lebanon, & Yemen voted against the suspension. Iraq decided they really were still too American influenced to vote properly in this and so abstained from the vote.

The plan also calls for political and economic sanctions against the nation unless they pull out tanks and armored vehicles from city streets, stop violence against protestors, release political protestors, and allow journalists access to the nation.

Muhammad el-Fadil, one of the primary leaders of the Occupy Syria campaign, tells us that this is a great day for his nation. "Even though 3,500 of our brothers have had to die for this day, their blood has paid the price for our people to finally experience freedom!" he said excitedly. "We're all going to celebrate at Applebee's tonight with some most excellent hummus!"

"Then," continued el-Fadil, "after a night of glorious celebrations, it will be back to the front lines once again!"

The past week has been especially costly as the Syrian army has killed an estimated 250 protestors as the Assad regime cracks down on what consider to be "disloyalists." el-Fadil says his loyalty is to Syria, not some garbage leadership. el-Fadil takes exception to that idea. "I am not disloyal - I love my country! I love my brothers! And I'm tired of being oppressed!" he declared. "Soon, very soon now, we will have a free Syria!"

New Poll Shows Monica Lewinsky's Blue Dress Last GOP Hope For Defeating Obama

Monica Lewinsky's blue dress, made famous because of its
stain carrying ability, is now the GOP's last hope to defeat
Obama in 2012 after the latest ridiculous debate

BELLINGHAM, WA - A new Pummelo News poll shows that Americans are sick and tired of politicians, businessman, and people in general.

When asked what GOP candidate would likely have the best chance of defeating Obama in the 2012 Presidential election, people said they had no desire to elect a Mormon, a liar, a thief, or a guy who has only 8 inches of hope left in his campaign. In fact, the only authentic candidate, according to our poll, is Monica Lewinsky's blue dress.

"That dress was not ashamed of the stains that it bore," said one respondent. "It was authentic. I'd vote for that dress in a heartbeat if it ran."

And an astounding 69% of Republicans agree on this point. Only 10% in the latest Pummelo poll support Cain now, with the primary reason being that Republicans want to prove that they can elect a black candidate just as well as the Democrats can. Romney also comes in at 10% because of his ability to correctly apply Just For Men - Touch of Grey to his hair. Perry comes in at 8% because he is basically the third incarnation of Bush.

The rest of the percentages add up to whatever is left for everybody else who thinks they still have a chance - I mean really... who gives a crap, frankly, if you're coming in at less than 8%? Save your money and go have a nice lunch at Olive Garden or something.

German Zombie Troops Make It To Iwo Jima; US Zombie Troops in Trouble

This German zombie is taking it to our zombie
troops. Iwo Jima may be lost.

IWO JIMA - Last year we brought you the exclusive story of how American and Japanese zombie troops were recreating the Battle of Iwo Jima. Today we have gotten word from current US Defense Secretary Leon Panetta that things have taken a turn for the worse.

"German zombies began washing up on shore about two weeks ago," Panetta told us. "They have completely wiped away the advantage our zombie troops have gained in establishing this critical island foothold in the zombie war."

The Great Zombie War is currently waging around the world in preparation for the Great Zombie Apocalypse of 2012. Iwo Jima is a critical strategic land point for both the Americans and the Japanese/German fronts in the establishment of safe zones for non-zombied humans.

Panetta tells us that things wouldn't have gotten this bad if former Defense Secretary Robert Gates had taken this battle more seriously. "He was more concerned with Iraq and Afghanistan - come 2012, no one is going to care about those two fronts," said Panetta. "What people are going to care about is not having to worry that there are unchecked hungry zombies running down their street in the morning."

"Our priorities were not where they should have been," continued Panetta. "In my opinion we should not have placed all of our hopes on Bruce Campbell. It was just unrealistic, considering all the weight he has put on lately. That wrong will be righted as of today, however."

We have been told that another 45,000 zombie troops are being flown in today to Iwo Jima under the strictest of security precautions. "It wouldn't do us any good to have our pilots get eaten mid-flight, now would it?" Panetta said with a smile.

Prince Harry Promises To Honor Arizona Town's Maidens

Prince Harry leading the Crown Troops of Britian

photo by Dan McKay

GILA BEND, AZ – Prince Henry of Britain’s Royal Family responded to this small Arizona town’s mayor, a man named Ron Henry, by letting him know that as a prince he has never “fornicated” with any woman in any nation, village or city in the world, and would honor the city.

“I am a prince,” said Harry. “Yes I do enjoy the company of women and occasionally indulging in heavy drinking, but as a prince that’s after a victory over dragons, trolls or dark knights, I will only kiss ladies. I fornicate with wenches and scullery maids and if there are none in this fair town I won’t be offending anyone’s honor.”

The mayor though was not quite relieved. “I feel it is important to let the world know that this is a simple place, a southwestern Mayberry if you will,” said the mayor. “Prince Harry has a reputation, and let’s face it all princes do, although hearing about his gentlemanly behavior in San Diego I feel slightly better, and since we do not have wenches and scullery maids here in town things should be fine during his stay.”

The mayor also mentioned his new push for recognition of his small town with new advertising campaign, “Gila Bend A Lot Of Good Christian People” and “Gila Bend Isn’t A Party Town.”

“I like having a small, decent town,” said Henry. “However we need occasional influx for the tax base and our economy so if we can send out broachers high lighting that we have some very pretty girls here, and we want you to be polite escorts to the Box Dinner Dances, I think it will be an excellent advertising for our town.”

Rick Perry's Hopes Measure Out At 8 Inches

Rick "Jim Dick" Perry has 8 inches of  hope left -
experts believe that it's maybe 5 1/2 inches in reality.
Photo: Gage Skidmore

AUSTIN, TX - Rick "Jim Dick" Perry has made an oopsie.

In case you missed it, in last night's GOP debate, Perry struggled to answer a question regarding his very own platform, specifically in regards to cutting the size of the Federal Government.

Perry attempted to make light of the situation immediately. "It's a good thing I'm wearing cowboy boots, because I sure stepped in it tonight," he told reporters after the debate.

Political experts believe that Perry's campaign is down to about 8 inches of hope in actual measurements, assuming that it's not very cold outside. "He's pretty much finished," commented Larry Sabato, the director of the University of Virginia's Center for Politics. "He's stroked his last stroke."

As for 8 inches of hope? Sabato shrugged. "Sure - if he can get it up again, that is. If he does, my best guess is that he's only going to have maybe 5 1/2 inches."

Sabato smiled. "One thing is for certain and it's in arguable - Rick Perry is no Herman Cain."

Perry's fall from grace has been dramatic - after entering the race for the GOP nomination, he had a high of 31% of Republican support in a Reuters poll. Rich Lowry, the editor of the National Review, tells us that he's actually pretty surprised by Perry's lack of performance. "I figured he would just get better after each debate - boy was I wrong," said Lowry. "I've heard of being premature, but Perry takes the cake on   prematureness any more."

Cain/Paterno An Unstoppable Cover-Up Team

Joe Paterno into politics? Cain says yes.

STATE COLLEGE, PA – In a rare showing of compassion and to the shock of many of his supporters, Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain reached out to suddenly fired Penn State football coach Joe Paterno and offered him a position on his staff.

“I feel terribly sorry for Coach Paterno,” said Cain. “Like myself, he is undergoing a public trial and has been already been convicted. This man is a great man he has led young men for decades and helped them become great.”

Cain's campaign manager Mark Block stated that Paterno has not the accepted the position but his clear skills as a media manipulator, his ability to deflect, obfuscate, and cover up details of sexual incidents will be an enormous asset to the Cain campaign going forward.

“Coach Paterno has a long history of dealing with the media and helping them become enablers and not adversaries,” said Block. “Now we know he has at least nine years as a skilled deflector, even outright concealer, of sexual inappropriateness. It's exactly what the Cain campaign needs right now.”

Cain said that he believes that Paterno has shown dignity and has a huge following that will help him in the blue collar rust belt and lift the campaign to new heights. “The culture of politics and the culture of college sports are quite the same,” Cain said.

“Coach understands how to win, how to recruit and how to hide the disturbing truth," continued Cain. "We’re helping an unfairly fired elderly man and showing compassion for him and his family, in turn he will be able to help us deal with these lying whores who are saying I acted inappropriately, this is a win-win for the campaign and in the long run a win-win for the United States.”

Penn State Educating Thousands of Child Abuse Supporters

Abuse isn't funny. Thousands of rioters supporting someone
who protected an abuser? Priceless.

STATE COLLEGE, PA - Thousands of misinformed, ignorant, and uneducated students descended on the downtown areas of State College and throughout the Penn State campus last night in support of their beloved football coach of the last three centuries, Joe Paterno, who was fired for misconduct in regards to how he handled an assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, who was allegedly abusing boys in the shower - as in he never called the police, even though he had the opportunity, and vaguely remembers being told that the assistant had fondled the boy.

"Yeah man!" declared rioter Michael Mason, who assisted in overturning a news van. "I love JoePa! He's the man! If he can't coach Penn State, then no one can!"

Other chants rang out throughout the night from the assembled thousands of students, including "We love JoePa! Yes we do! We love JoePa! How 'bout you?"

Of course, what is lost in all of this is the fact that Joe Paterno had the opportunity to contact the police in 2002 regarding this incident and instead chose to notify his superior. The police in the end were never contacted by Penn State officials.

The rioters, however, could care less. "We're 5-0 in our division! We could be going to the Rose Bowl! We have an outside chance at the National Championship! WE NEED JOEPA!" declared Michelle Bryant, 20, and a junior at Penn state. "A DEFENSE WE CAN MUSTER AFTER WE DEFEAT THE CORNHUSKERS!"

Skip Flu Shot, Drink Beer Instead

Bee prevents colds,further proof God loves us

ATLANTA, GA - So your spouse or significant other is telling you that you drink too much. Tell them to shut it – you’re protecting yourself against outbreak of CODs and other diseases. In a study published in the American Journal of Public Health, subjects who consumed alcohol were shown to have greater resistance to five strains of common cold viruses. Resistance to the cold viruses increased up to a level of three drinks a day, the study reported.

Among the subjects, those who drank occasionally had 30% less chance of catching a cold; those who had one or two drinks a day had 65% less risk and those who consumed two to three drinks had 85% less chance.

 “I think this just proves that Benjamin Franklin was right - Beer is proof God loves us,” said Center for Disease Control contagion expert Philip Barnes. “Societies throughout history have been searching for the cure to this and it’s been right there all along.”

Barnes says that beer improves blood circulation, alleviates breathing, helps with joint pain and strengthens the immune system. “Now we are just starting to work on how this happens,” said Barnes. “It seems to be part of the fermentation process there is no one defined ingredient in the suds that does this, heck maybe it just relaxes the incoming virus so much that the immune system over whelms it.”

Doctor Norman Peterson of St. Eligius Hospital Research Hospital in Boston believes beer helps prevent the cols because it is total nutrition in a stein. “I’m 63 years old and have maintained primarily a liquid diet based on beer since I was 14,” Peterson said. “It’s all there Carbohydrates, vitamins, isotonic properties it can’t be recommended enough, especially in this season where we all huddle together watching football and traveling.”

The study was conducted in London by U.S. and British scientists and was funded by both governments.

Powerful Sneeze Reverses the Meaning of Life

Could this change in the meaning of life be permanent?
We hope not for all our sakes.

SINGAPORE - A powerful sneeze from this island nation has rocked the planet to its very core.

For years, since the research of Douglas Adams, it has been widely accepted that the meaning of life has been "42." However, thanks to a young man named John Bartman, everything in this world has now been reversed and the meaning of life is now believed to believed to be "24."

"I don't know what happened," a tearful Bartman told the media this morning. "I was reaching for some orange juice, felt some pressure in my nose, rubbed it, and then before I knew it this enormous sneeze just ripped out of my nostrils."

"I didn't think much of it initially," continued Bartman, "beyond the fact that there were these droplets of green goo all over my refrigerator. It wasn't until I got to work that I noticed things were different."

And how were things different? "All of my goals had reversed themselves," said Bartman. "Instead of trying to climb the corporate ladder and get myself a big raise, all I wanted to do was set the building on fire so that I could be fired."

Pox Parties: The New Way To Abuse Kids & Hurt Society

Be aware a a nasty pox sucker and not an all daysucker
could be in the mail

MONTE MUERTE, AZ - The little known environmental terrorist Dr. Domiviral declares that he is now winning his war against humanity thanks to Facebook.

“I love social media almost as I love my precious, precious viruses,” Domniviral said on his Twitter account. “It has helped me bring my dream of crushing humanity closer.”

In @ responses on Twitter, Domniviral explained his Facebook group "Find a Pox Party in Your Area." is responsible for helping drive the false science of antivaccination and spreading viruses worldwide.

The Facebook group encourages parents to begin trading live viruses through the mail in order to infect their children. According to the group's page, it is geared toward "parents who want their children to obtain natural immunity for the chicken pox." Parents post where they live and ask if anyone with a child who has the chicken pox would be willing to send saliva, infected lollipops or clothing through the mail. Parents also use the page to set up play dates with children who currently have chicken pox.

Center for Disease Control expert Melissa Herron says the most troubling part of this is parents are taking pathogens from complete strangers and deliberately infecting their children. “This is dangerous in so many ways,” said Herron. “Clearly these parents are idiots who don’t understand how disease is spread or the complications such as like encephalitis and skin infections.”

A Facebook post reads, "I got a Pox Package in mail just moments ago. I have two lollipops and a wet rag and spit."Another post warns, "This is a federal offense to intentionally mail a contagion." However, a response explains, "Tuck it inside a zip lock baggy and then put the baggy in the envelope :) Don't put anything identifying it as pox."

Herron said chicken pox is extremely contagious and is something she would never recommend you send in the mail.

Joe Frazier Was a Man Amongst Men

Smokin' Joe Frazier will always be the man.

Joe for me has always optimized toughness. The man who Muhammad Ali said he was glad there weren't any more of may have had only 37 professional fights, but each one of them is remembered for some reason... for one reason, if you ask me: because Joe was in that fight.

Joe knew how to battle. Joe knew how to win ugly. Joe knew how to win with finesse. Joe knew how to lose with class - and then come back fighting fiercer than ever. Joe knew how to garner respect - by respecting himself, the game, and those around him. From the Olympics to his professional career, Joe may not have always been a champion, but he always tried his best to act like one.

I'm old enough that boxing was primarily the only fighting sport that was given any credence while growing up, and in those cold Wisconsin nights when there was no Paul Molitor, Robin Yount, or Brewers baseball, I studied Joe's fights. I looked at how Joe handled adversity and that's how I handled adversity. I may not have been the most popular kid or the most athletic kid and many considered me a loner, yet my peers respected me because of the quiet grace that I learned from Joe.

When my dad died the summer I turned 11, I was devastated. My father was not the best of men, I had a loving family and a loving stepfather who was doing his best with me, but I don't care what other people say: no one can replace your father. And sure, that summer like I always did I substituted baseball for my missing father, but once baseball ended, I studied Joe Frazier.

By no means was Frazier a perfect man... but what he had was authenticity. That to this day still exists with me in everything that I do, or at least I hope it does - to be yourself, no matter what, no matter what other people say. Your faith, your friends, your family will accept you and love you as you are and if they don't, that is their loss. Joe never knew he taught me that, but the things you see me write, post, joke about, do - that all stems from those dark winter nights sitting on the roof outside my window, reading box scores, quotes, and listening to the radio.

Rest in peace, Joe. You were loved.

Dr. Conrad Murray Convicted Due to Lack of a Personal Wikipedia Page

LOS ANGELES, CA - Dr. Conrad Murray, charged with the death of pop icon Michael Jackson, today was found guilty on the charge of involuntary manslaughter, much to the surprise of all media analysts except Nancy Grace.

The doctor who can no longer be referred to as "good" appeared quite unemotional as the verdict that condemned him was read. The 58 year old man faces four years in prison and the possible revocation of his medical license at his sentencing, currently scheduled for November 28th.

The judge denied a defense request to release Murray on bail and instructed that he be immediately taken into custody, much to the delight of Jackson's family and friends that were in attendance.

"The case, for me, hinged on the fact that Dr. Conrad Murray is just not a famous man," said Juror #3. "Certainly the man he killed was much more famous than he."

"I don't know that even O.J. Simpson could have gotten an innocent verdict from this case, quite frankly," Juror #3 added.

Juror #9 agreed with the assessment. "I'll just put it to you this way," we were told. "Dr. Conrad Murray does not have a Wikipedia page. Hell - Chad Barrett, a dude who has the ability to not score goals professional for the LA Galaxy has a Wikipedia page and Murray does not. There's no way I could let him go."

Juror #11 simply told us this: "If the Wiki doesn't hit, you mustn't acquit."

Outside the courthouse, thousands cheered the verdict. "It's about time justice was done in this country!" said one man who wouldn't identify himself. "Of course he was black, so that helps matters, but still!"

It is expected that the judge will settle on a sentence less than the 4 year maximum, but more than a minimum sentence of simple probation.

Free Pot On Sundays? One Church Thinks It's a Good Idea

POTTSVILLE, PA - From extending singing sessions to t-shirt clad ministers to free coffee from the kitchen before every service, many churches have been stretching the traditional boundaries of what it takes to bring in new parishioners for their church.

First Methodist Church of Pottsville, PA, has decided that starting this Sunday, they are going to take that to a whole new level. "We simply asked ourselves 'What Would Jesus Do?'" senior minister Harold Schumaker told us. "And when myself, the other ministers, and the elders all met at the annual business meeting yesterday afternoon, we all felt that God was speaking to us."

And what exactly did God say? Schumaker smiles. "God told us that we should offer free medical marijuana to anyone who requests it on Sunday morning services."

That's right - First Methodist Church is going to become a free dispensary. Things could be a bit tricky, however, because medical marijuana usage is not approved in the state, but Schumaker says they aren't worried. "We took a look at the town platting and discovered that our property, along with a couple owners, is actually on reservation land. We've spoken to the tribes that control the land and they have no issues with us dispensing marijuana. In fact, several members stated that they would begin attending our church!"

Mark Driscoll, of the Mars Hill group of churches in Seattle, WA, doesn't think this is such a great idea. "I get the tattoos, I get the alternative lifestyle, I even get finding new ways of getting people into church," he commented. "I don't think I can condone giving people an addictive drug just to get them to come to church, however."

Jim Daly of Focus on the Family, based in Colorado Springs, CO, agrees with Driscoll. "Giving people addictive drugs to tell them about Jesus is just plain wrong," he said. "Wrong, wrong wrong."

Schumaker points out that churches have been offering caffeinated coffee and sodas for several years. "All we're doing is adapting to the times," said Schumaker. "Some Christians like coffee, some Christians like wine... our Christians like pot, so that's what we're going to offer them."

Services at First Methodist Church begin at 8:00 am.

Blackjack Dealer Hands Out 120 Consecutive Blackjacks In Response To Pay Cut

Ernie Fitts was a great blackjack dealer. Now he's
going to become a crack dealer to pay his bills.

LAS VEGAS, NV - Ernie Fitts, a 15 year veteran card dealer at the Stratosphere Casino, was fired today in what officials described as "gross misconduct that was detrimental to the casino."

So what did Fitts do that constituted gross misconduct? He dealt out 120 consecutive paying blackjacks to gamblers at his table.

"I might be in the wrong here," admits Fitts with a shrug, "but the Stratosphere told me that they were going to cut my pay 5% effective December 1st. I can barely live on what I make now and I can't find a second job to help pay my bills. So I showed the casino exactly how I felt since they wouldn't listen to me any other way."

Pit Boss Mary Pantzatopolous, who was Fitts' supervisors, tells us that Fitts was one of her best dealers and it was extremely hard for her to let him go. "The man knew how to shuffle a deck to benefit the house like no one else. He could rake in the money left and right. I didn't agree with the pay cut he had to take, but I couldn't let him get away with him purposely shuffling the cards to benefit the gamblers."

The 120 consecutive blackjacks paid out a total of $2.8 million on a $2 minimum table. Officials at the Stratosphere tell us that even though the winnings were fraudulently dispersed, they will not pursue the payouts. "Hopefully our customers had a wonderful experience and they will return the money on their next trip in the various forms of entertainment that we offer here at the Stratosphere," said the written statement we received this morning via e-mail. "One way or another, the house always wins."

"As for Fitts - we hope he rots in hell."

With Fitts no longer employed, he tells us that he's going to have to resort to selling crack on the strip to survive. "I gotta pay my bills somehow," Fitts says. "I just hope the cops don't find out until I can get back on my feet."

If you wish to support Fitts, you can purchase dime bags in front of the Bellagio by the fountain between 5-9 pm.

Does Herman Cain Have A Tattoo Endorsing Prostitution?

Cain continues to deny his pimp status.
Photo: Gage Skidmore

ATLANTA, GA - Sexual harassment charges continued to dog Herman Cain Sunday, in part because of the alleged tattoo “Ridin the Ho Train” on his left thigh.

Several Republicans said the presidential hopeful hasn’t done enough to answer questions. "What he wants to do is get back on message," said Mississippi governor and former Republican National Committee chairman Haley Barbour, speaking on Meet the Press. "I appreciate that, however he has to get all the facts on the table and if he has a tattoo owed to youthful indiscretion, or mid-life confusion he needs to explain that too."

The review among other Republican elected officials Sunday was mixed. Some – like Rep. Ron Paul – see it as a “distraction” that “dilutes the debate,” as he said on Fox News Sunday.

However, on NBC’s Meet the Press, presidential candidate Jon Huntsman said Cain needs to "get the information out and get it out in total."

"Legitimate questions have been raised, and that information has to come forward,” Huntsman said. “A tattoo in our current culture really doesn’t mean anything, I happen to have the Chinese symbols for “Courage” and “Fortune” tattooed on my inner arms from my time in China, but he has to tell the public what is true and what is not.”

So far, Cain seems more inclined to add nothing to what he’s already said about the charges.

He’s been almost hostile reporters eager for a response to the latest turn in what may or may not be a full-blown scandal.

He cancelled the scheduled appearance by his wife Gloria Cain on Fox News' "On the Record with Greta Van Susteren” Friday night – a venue that likely would have been friendly.

But none of that has lessened media and public interest in the subject, something of which leading Republicans are painfully aware.

"I’m not one of the people who think this is necessarily fatal. It might not hurt him at all,” Barbour said. “In particular a tattoo, even a vulgar one might endear him to younger voters. And that’s the challenge for him right now – to get those out as quickly as possible and get it behind him."