If today is your birthday: Your key planet Venus just entered interactive so try to reach out and help people today. As a start I suggest stopping neighbor Bob’s ritual witch dunking in the back yard of his neighbor Gwen.
Aries: You have been operating on old information ever since Ceres turned retrograde in your sign last month. However, no one has arrested you so it's now time to let go of the notion you left fingerprints all over the body and move on with your plans.
Taurus: You could feel increasingly uncomfortable as the day goes on, Taurus, that alien parasite inside you is really growing.
Gemini: You want to be with friends and to have a good time this evening. Any type of social activity could bring favorable results; bum burning has especially strong bonding results.
Cancer: Mercury turns direct into your 2nd House of Secrets, so now is a good time to tell it like it is not, omitting details and including fantasies, especially when dealing with that chick you only want to go to bed with.
Leo: Saturn is in retrograde turning away which results in you having a tendency to overreact. Now that you know this, you can temper your tantrum about your partner not giving into your ridiculous “Goldielocks” fantasy, and offer an alternative.
Virgo: In-depth discussions and probing conversations find you at your mental worst. No one will believe whatever you say about picking up that transsexual hooker and the three vials of meth.
Libra: You are moving through very tricky territory as the Moon returns to your sign and you canoe through rural Georgia, hearing those banjos mean it’s time to plan an escape.
Scorpio: Uncertainty is definitely on the rise as Neptune shifts from retrograde to direct. Today you will discover that man in the Postman’s uniform isn’t as trustworthy and nice as you thought.
Sagittarius: Don't let self-doubt slip in; you have the Mac-10 for a reason. This is your time to stand tall and proud and not let those hooligans throw you off the parking deck.
Capricorn: Your key planet Venus is buzzing with anticipation, or maybe that’s the sound of your wife’s three vibrators, hard to tell.
Aquarius: Focusing your intentions heightens your senses; your fixed purpose allows you to see right into the eyes of that rabid possum, scary isn’t it?
Pisces: Mercury in your house of Mischief leads you to replay childhood fantasies, but the staff at the rest home will not be enthused with your throwing water all over Grandma to see if she’s a witch game.