Your Daily Death and Dentistry, June 7, 2012

Your Daily Death & Dentistry For 6/7/12: 

If Your Birthday Is Today:  Every kid has that one mean grandparent, except, unfortunately you who has six and three bitterly cruel parents all of whom blame this day as the one where life went to hell.

Aries: In case you are wondering, no your new boss doesn’t have even a of a shred of decency in her and will torment you in the coming hours, days, weeks.

Taurus:  Freon in the veins will be painful, but at least the your killer is cutting edge and doesn’t just hack and slash, right?

Gemini:  Yep, pretty amazing to way fresh new socks can make a day better.

Cancer: Since you never leave the house I'm afraid you're just going to have to continue living vicariously on the Internet.

Leo: Nope, I guess the cops don’t fool around and just ticket jaywalkers where you are, taser and pepper spray does clear the sinuses though.

Virgo: Yes, yes hand written instructions to women on clean college lined notebook paper on how to make love to you then cuddle and leave is a perfect ice breaker, or nut cracker as the case may be.

Libra: Your days as an ostracized community pariah are almost over, they’re going straight to lynching.

Scorpio: Work will be tough the receptionist has declared the copy machine area a “sacred premises”

Sagittarius: What type contrition you show Neighbor Bob will dictate his response, but  letting your kids make noise in a kiddie pool is a pretty serious offense.

Capricorn: Neighbor Bob might give half a damn about your begging for life  if he had half a clue who you are.

Aquarius: You’re getting a reputation as someone who actually has scruples, wow what a controversial stance.

Pisces: The Fed-ex deliveryman has had a bad afternoon and you will be grievously injured in accordance for ignoring him while standing right there with a hedge trimmer.