Ethnic Minority & Youth Voters Still Waiting for PS3 from Obama

LAS VEGAS, NV - A bitter Mitt Romney, still probably a little shell shocked by the fact that he couldn't defeat one of the most vulnerable Presidents running for re-election in the history of the United States, told a group of donors that he just couldn't match what the Obama campaign was offering ethnic minorities and young voters.

"When you offer those voting groups big gifts, all the money in the world isn't going to sway their votes unless you give it directly to them, and I don't know about you, but I'm not giving my hard earned money away," Romney said. "If you want scumbags to vote for you, promise them something they want, I guess."

And what has Romney accused the Obama campaign of gifting to these voting groups? A brand new PlayStation 3.

"Even people who are dependent on the government get bored in their homes," Romney told donors. "Placate them with a brand new PS3 to go along with their new cell phones and free internet and make them superficially happy. That seems to be the recipe to getting the 53% of the vote you need these days."

Paul Ryan, who won his re-election as a Congressman despite losing the election as a Vice President, echoed Romney's sentiments. "People are too needy on the government these days. Forget the fact that my running mate used Federal funds to balance his budget at Bain Capital or at the Salt Lake City Olympics. Forget the fact that I used Social Security funds to obtain my education. People are too dependent on entitlements and that is just not fair."

The new PS3 gaming systems are allegedly shipping to minority and young voters who voted for Obama around December 1st. "Not only will this cause these voter blocks to continue to vote Democratically," said Romney, "but it will also stop a lot of retailers from meeting their revenue quotas because their fat, lazy asses are going to be playing video games instead of spending money on a 200% markup to make money for people that really matter."

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, who is a prospective GOP nominee for the 2016 campaign, says that this is absolutely the wrong approach to take with voters. "We need to go after every single vote we can," said Jindal. "Besides, everyone knows that the XBOX is much better than the PS3. Have you heard of the Kinect? Or Halo 4? Much better than anything PlayStation has to offer."

Jeremiah Montgomery, 28, says that he can't wait to see if he really gets a PS3. "I voted for Obama this time around because Romney is an arrogant asshole who just wants socialism for the rich. If I get a PS3 out of the deal, than I'll vote for Obama a 3rd time!"

There is no word yet if any video games are including with this alleged offer.